Things To Do (..and NOT do!) on Lazy Mom’s Day!
Friday, September 7th will be National Lazy Mom’s Day. I thought this day deserved a little more recognition than it receives. Actually, I don’t think it receives ANY attention for that matter! Now that I am a little over 5-months pregnant, I am really feeling the LAZY mom syndrome… and I don’t like it – one bit! I know that I have to relax; I know that I have to ‘take it easy’, but how do you tell that to a mom with another child running rampant around the house?
I decided to put this list together after finding out about Lazy Mom’s Day when I was compiling my list of strange holidays in September (day, weekly, and monthly observances that will BLOW your mind!). So, I will be treating myself to an extra lazy day on Friday. I hope you will join me… and maybe follow one or ALL of these ‘rules’ so that you can make it the laziest day of the year! Plus, I think YOU deserve a day now that the kids are back in school… !
Don’t even look at me like that. You know exactly WHY you should be celebrating National Lazy Mom’s Day! Okay, really? You don’t have any idea why you may deserve to be lazy for ONE day?
* You work your socks off every other day of the year to put a meal on the table (without burning the chicken; while dressed up as Buzz Lightyear; with a crowd of screaming and fighting children in the background).
* You come up with the craftiest craft ideas and help the kids complete some of the most fabulous art projects known to man (without pulling out too many hairs as the glue spills on the floor and glitter pops into the air for a confetti party).
* You carried each of your child(ren) around for 9+ months with a smile on your face (Surely the smile was forced due to an imbalance or spasm in your facial muscles, but you looked fairly decent while carrying an extra human being around for 3/4 of a year. You did all of this expecting nothing in return beyond unconditional love, which your child(ren) gladly provide — along with a migraine and disapproval over said meal which you cooked in a sweltering kitchen for nearly 2-hours).
Clearly, I can go on and on with reasons why you deserve to be lazy today. Let’s get to the point and share some ways that we can celebrate
together alone (because you will be too lazy to even pick the laptop off the floor):
#1 TAKE A NAP
I don’t think one will take too much thinking or preparing. Simply mope (do not run! remember: lazy..) into your bedroom and plop down without looking back. Do you have earplugs? Okay, perfect. Use them. Put someone else in charge of the cooking, kids, and assign your husband to
Go home and take a nap Sit in a bookstore and read magazines while drinking coffee Get together with friends for manicures and pedicures Get a massage Sit in the park and read a book
#2 DRINK A GLASS BOTTLE OF WINE
Put the kids to bed as early as possible! Thankfully, Lazy Mom’s Day is on a FRIDAY! Maybe you can chug an entire bottle, but I am by no means trying to promote a hangover! Take it easy, girl. If you know a bottle is going to make your weekend miserable, I think one glass should be sufficient (or, 3?). Seriously, I don’t want to see you here on Monday complaining about how I RUINED YOUR WEEKEND! I am trying to do some good here and promote laziness and relaxation. The rest is up to you!
#3 DON’T TOUCH THE LAUNDRY!
This should seem self-explanatory! The laundry will still be there tomorrow, or maybe SOMEONE will magically do the laundry for you. Give yourself a break and let your arms rest. No need to fold clothes today; steer clear of the laundry room. Lazy moms do NOT do laundry!
#4 DON’T CLEAN THE HOUSE!
Whatever you had to do for #3, repeat for this step. The house might get a little disheveled, but once again – the house will be OKAY! Ask the kids to do their part for the day and hopefully that will help you out a bit. Even though the kids may not do as much as you do when cleaning the household, I normally like to HOPE it will make the damage a little less once I get to cleaning. Remember: Lazy moms don’t clean!
#5 ORDER TAKEOUT, OR DIRECT THE FAMILY TOWARDS LEFTOVERS!
I can’t imagine a lazy mom would want to cook a meal for her family! You have a few great excuses to use today between this day being a national holiday (har-har!) AND also falling on a Friday! Order in and grab some pizza. To make things even better for yourself… make the husband place the order. If your favorite restaurant doesn’t deliver, I don’t want to see you picking up the order! Send someone else!
#6 BUBBLE BATH? YES, MA’AM!
Fill the bathtub in any bathroom that has a lock. The lock is the important part of this step. Fill with bubbles, bring a loofa, bath salts, and a glass of wine (see step #2). Grab your iHome or any other boombox stereo system that can be turned to a moderate-high volume. Of course, I don’t want you to blast music so that you complete TUNE out the children (unless your husband is home – then BLAST away!). Create a playlist on your iPod (do this on Thursday or any other day – lazy moms don’t organize play lists or sync iPods!). Pick out the most relaxing and calming music you can think of and make sure you have at least 75-minutes of music ready to go. Hey, ya never know how long it’ll take to bathe, right?
#7 HAIR, NAILS, SPA. GO!
Schedule yourself an appointment at one or all of the above mentioned salons. Treat yourself to at least one beautification session, but do it because YOU want to do it. Lazy moms don’t care how they look for other people, but they do want themselves to feel great! You will feel like a few million bucks after a seaweed rap and facial at your local day spa!
#8 GIRLS NIGHT OUT, OR IN!
Call your favorite lazy moms and throw an impromptu get-together on Friday! Remind your girlfriends that you will NOT be dressed up. Gently remind them that they will be LUCKY if you have pants on, but seriously wear pants – just scare them a bit! The scarier they expect you to be, the more likely they will think you look beautiful in your pajamas and makeup-less face come Friday! Ask everyone to reach into their cabinets and grab the first thing in sight. Don’t make the girls go nuts and bake pies or cupcakes! Tell the girls this is a LAZY MOMS party after all, so it will be all about chugging soda from the bottle, microwave popcorn, and maybe (JUST MAYBE) … drinking wine from the bottle (we’ll see how the lazy night goes).
#9 DO NOT PAY THE BILLS
Okay, I say this one a little on the fence, but leaning more towards the literal side. If you have any bills that MUST be paid off or else turn off’s are possible ON Friday – pay on Thursday! You want to make Friday about doing VERY little to nothing, so I don’t want to see that checkbook open come Lazy Mom’s Day! The minimalistic couch potato mom would NEVER pay a bill on HER day, so be sure to hide the checkbook and forget about your financial troubles or balances for 24-hours. It’s not that much to ask!
#10 DON’T DO SOMETHING YOU WOULDN’T DO AT 17
If I had a dollar every time I said, "I would have never imagined *I* would be doing this when I was 17!" – I would be quite rich. If you would have skipped out on cleaning under your bed at 17 – skip it today. If you would have made up an excuse as to why you could not fill the dishwasher when you were 17 – skip it today. If you would have skipped school to watch Lifetime movies all day when you were 17 .. you can do that!
Obviously, I hope you will use your best judgment when you are completing this step. Don’t leave the kids in wet diapers or forget to pick someone up at school because you didn’t have any children at 17-years-old! Think more along the lines of CHORES, or those pesty tasks we have to complete now that we’re "adults". Revert back to your careless days of being a teenager, but also balance in your parenthood traits. Have FUN with your kids again by being a KID yourself. Leave your worries behind and take control of your fun, careless, and free self today. But…. be lazy about it. Don’t exert yourself TOO much!